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|Life of the Lairds|
|Season 1, Episode 1|
|Written by||Heroic Gaming|
|Directed by||Hideo Kojima|
|A Fistful of Diamonds (pilot)||There Will Be Blood|
The neighbors discovers the life of the Lairds.
NOTE: Episode is told by transcript.
- (OPENING: The episode begins with Jocelyn Carcette, the Laird's patriotic neighbor, sitting outside of the lawn of her apartment with a cup of coffee. She takes a sip and turns her attention to her neighbors.)
- (Cut to Joseph Laird, the unstable Laird brother, sitting on the grass of the lawn of his apartment sharpening a throwing knife with a rock. While he sharpens the knife, he pauses for a bit to spit on his lawn before continuing to sharpen the knife finely. After a few seconds or so, he throws the knife at the tree, scaring off a by passer who was jogging. Joseph laughs his arse off while Jocelyn stares in shock.)
- (Joseph pulls out another knife larger than the one before and sharpens it. The door to Joseph's apartment opens and out comes Gustav, Joseph's older brother and a monster among men for his imposing physique. Gustav walks out onto the lawn with two rubbish bags on his shoulder, one oddly shaped like a body-bag. He nods at Joseph, who returns with a nod as Gustav walks down to the rubbish bin. He throws the two bags into the bin, turning his back at the camera to show his scars. Jocelyn gulps in a mix of fear as Gustav turns to face her. Jocelyn backs away as Gustav walks towards Joseph, who has finished sharpening the knife.)
- Gustav: You've finished yet?
- (Joseph nods as he passes the knife to Gustav. Gustav walks back into the house as Joseph follows. As Joseph is about to enter, he turns to face Jocelyn, who aims a cutthroat gesture to her before heading back into the apartment, slamming the door on the way.)
- (1:00 PM. Cut to Jocelyn's apartment, where she's peeping through the kitchen window while her partner, a man named named Rhett Barnes, is cooking meat on the stove.)
- Jocelyn: (To Rhett) They're like a pack of animals!
- Rhett: Who?
- Jocelyn: The neighbors!
- Rhett: (turns off the element of the stove and covers the meat) Let me see...
- (Jocelyn and Rhett look through the window as they see the Lairds outside of the lawn. Gustav is putting some newspaper and coal into a barbecue while Joseph is on his phone talking to a butcher worker, whilst sharpening a butcher's knife for Gustav.)
- Joseph: Nah mate, that delivery service is utter shite! Remember the last time we had it? The delivery guy couldn't even drive and the meat had an expiration date of two days!
- (Gustav goes to Joseph's motorcycle and revs the motor.)
- Joseph: Mate, I'm on the...
- Gustav: NO, YOU GO AWAY. You want to make a phone call, do it inside.
- Joseph: Motherf....yes, so anyway...
- (He throws the butcher knife onto the table and goes inside. Meanwhile, Gustav looks at the wooden patio chair. He thinks for a bit before picking it up and smashing it onto the concrete. Chunks of wood and splints fly across the lawn as Gustav picks up a few pieces of wood and throws them into the barbecue as fuel. He turns around sees Jocelyn and Rhett looking through the window.)
- Jocelyn: What on earth is he doing?
- (Gustav sees the neighbors looking at them, then he turns his attention to Joseph on his phone, who has entered the lawn.)
- Joseph:...we'll talk about this later, bye. (Puts phone away) What the hell is going on, mate?
- Gustav: The neighbors. They're spying on us.
- (Joseph turns his attention to the neighbors)
- Joseph: (Pulls out a throwing knife) Hey communists! If you value your throats, I suggest you should pis....
- Gustav: They're not communist spies, idiot.
- (He faces the neighbors with a monstrously intimidating stare, scaring the couple away.)
- (5:00 PM. Jocelyn and Rhett are looking through the backyard of their apartment to the window of the lounge of the Laird's apartment.)
- Jocelyn: Hey, they've got a guest in their house! (She turns to Rhett, who is mowing the lawn in the backyard) Rhett! Come and have a look!
- Rhett: Why are you spying on the neighbors again?
- Jocelyn: They look dangerous.
- (Cut to the Laird's apartment, where the guest is revealed to be a man from Jehovah's Witness. He stands in the doorway.)
- Gustav: What do you want?
- Jehovah's Witness: I am Jehovah's Witness, sir. Can I spare a few moments of your time to talk about our lord and savior, and what he means to you?
- Gustav: By all means, sir. Come and have a seat.
- (Cut back to Jocelyn still spying on the Laird's.)
- Jocelyn: How nice is that!
- (Cut back to the Lairds apartment. Gustav and the Jehovah's Witness walk into the living room.)
- Gustav: So tell me, how does a...(He picks up the Jehovah's Witness and slams him onto the coffee table, shattering it into pieces.)
- TO BE CONTINUED
- This is the first episode in the series.